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The Onion News Network
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Episodes
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Season 2009
Season 2008
Season 2010
Season 2009
Episode
Ep.
105
Apple Introduces Revolutionary New Laptop With No Keyboard
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Episode
Ep.
106
Man Who Crossed Nation In Balloon Only Wants To Talk About Horse Abuse
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Episode
Ep.
112
Survivors Of Gas Station Explosion Mourn Tragic Loss Of Gasoline
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Episode
Ep.
113
Congress Debates Adding Elaborate Dance To Obama's Inauguration Ceremony
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Episode
Ep.
119
Bratz Dolls May Give Young Girls Unrealistic Expectations Of Head Size
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Episode
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120
Police Say School Shooter Had Troubled Past, History Of School Shootings
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Episode
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126
Kim Jong Il Announces Plan To Bring Moon To North Korea
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Episode
Ep.
127
How To Wax Your Floors Without Slipping And Severing Your Spine
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Episode
Ep.
202
Tom Coughlin Retires From Family To Spend More Time With Team
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Episode
Ep.
204
In The Know: Are Reality Shows Setting Unrealistic Standards For Skanks?
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Episode
Ep.
209
Sony Releases New Stupid Piece Of Shit That Doesn't Fucking Work
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Episode
Ep.
211
FDA Approves Depressant Drug For The Annoyingly Cheerful
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Episode
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216
East Timor's First Female Dictator Hailed As Step Forward For Women
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Episode
Ep.
218
Courageous Man Refuses To Believe He Has Cancer
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Episode
Ep.
223
Spam Crackdown Threatens Koy4Goff's Penis Enlarger, Free iPod Industry
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Episode
Ep.
225
Are Violent Video Games Adequately Preparing Children For The Apocalypse?
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Episode
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226
Jennifer Love Hewitt Pays Magazine 2.2 Million To Run Photos Of Her Baby
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Episode
Ep.
227
Congressman Offers Preemptive Apology For Extramarital Affair
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Episode
Ep.
228
NCAA Expands March Madness To Include 4,096 Teams
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Episode
Ep.
229
Experts Agree Giant, Razor-Clawed Bioengineered Crabs Pose No Threat
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Episode
Ep.
230
Manufacturer Recalls Hollow Point Bullets That Fail To Explode Inside Targets
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Episode
Ep.
231
Paleontologists Discover Skeleton Of Natures First Sexual Predator
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Episode
Ep.
232
Prague's Franz Kafka International Named World's Most Alienating Airport
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Episode
Ep.
233
Congressmans War Hero Son Would Have Wanted Highway Bill Passed
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Episode
Ep.
234
DNA Evidence Frees Black Man Convicted Of Bear Attack
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Episode
Ep.
235
Morning Show Host Starts Charity To Rid World Of Flying Debris
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Episode
Ep.
236
Hot New Video Game Consists Solely Of Shooting People Point-Blank In The Face
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Episode
Ep.
237
Study: Children Exposed To Pornography May Expect Sex To Be Enjoyable
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Episode
Ep.
238
Prison Economy Spirals As Price Of Pack Of Cigarettes Surpasses Two Hand Jobs
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Episode
Ep.
239
Treasury Department Issues Emergency Recall Of All US Dollars
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Episode
Ep.
240
More American Workers Outsourcing Own Jobs Overseas
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Episode
Ep.
241
Should We Be Doing More To Reduce The Graphic Violence In Our Dreams?
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Episode
Ep.
242
Autoworkers Compete to Keep Jobs, Livelihoods on New Reality Show
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Episode
Ep.
243
Ambassador Stages Coup At UN, Issues Long List of Non-Binding Resolutions
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Episode
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244
Trekkies Bash New Star Trek Film As 'Fun, Watchable'
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Episode
Ep.
245
Special Boy With Freakishly Large Brain Wins Spelling Bee
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Episode
Ep.
246
Pentagon Reports Army Mascot 'Liberty' Killed in Iraq
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Episode
Ep.
247
Congressman's Son Won't Shut The Hell Up During Hearing
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Episode
Ep.
248
Police Slog Through 40,000 Insipid Party Pics To Find Cause Of Dorm Fire
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Episode
Ep.
249
NHL Tries To Woo Fans By Increasing Scoring With Bigger Nets, 3-Point Line
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Episode
Ep.
250
Nation's Girlfriends Unveil New Economic Plan: 'Let's Move In Together'
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Episode
Ep.
251
Political Talk Show Host Suddenly Very Interested In Manslaughter Law Loopholes
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Episode
Ep.
252
Conservatives Warn Quick Sex Change Only Barrier Between Gays, Marriage
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Episode
Ep.
253
New BabySafe Ball Makes Shaking Your Infant Guilt And Injury Free
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Episode
Ep.
254
Obama Drastically Scales Back Goals For America After Visiting Denny's
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Episode
Ep.
255
Congressman Demands To Know Who Left Fish Sandwich To Rot On House Floor
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Episode
Ep.
256
Gymnast Shawn Johnson Put To Sleep After Breaking Leg
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Episode
Ep.
257
US To Trade Gold Reserves For Cash Through Cash4Gold.com
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Episode
Ep.
258
Obama To Hold Job Performance Review With Every American Worker
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Episode
Ep.
259
Taco Bell's New Green Menu Takes No Ingredients From Nature
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Episode
Ep.
260
New Wearable Feedbags Let Americans Eat More, Move Less
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Episode
Ep.
261
Mexico Builds Border Wall To Keep Out US Assholes
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Episode
Ep.
262
New Live Poll Allows Pundits To Pander To Viewers In Real Time
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Episode
Ep.
263
Obama Axes Pentagon Plan To Build Billion Dollar Tank In Shape Of Dragon
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Episode
Ep.
264
Human Rights Group Campaigns To End Use Of Child Politicians In Africa
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Episode
Ep.
265
Chinas Andy Rooney Has Some Funny Opinions About How Great The Chinese Government Is
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Episode
Ep.
266
Evander Holyfield To Box Horse For Heavyweight Title
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Episode
Ep.
267
Congresswoman Says Botched Plastic Surgery Most Important Issue Facing U.S.
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Episode
Ep.
268
U.S. Government Stages Fake Coup To Wipe Out National Debt
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Episode
Ep.
269
Ex-Pedophile Shares Tips On How To Make Your Kids Less Attractive
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Episode
Ep.
270
Google Opt Out Feature Lets Users Protect Privacy By Moving To Remote Village
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Episode
Ep.
271
Advocacy Group Decries PETA's Inhumane Treatment Of Women
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Episode
Ep.
272
White House Reveals Obama Is Bipolar, Has Entered Depressive Phase
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Episode
Ep.
273
Baseball Superstar Accused of Performance-Enhancing Genie Use
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Episode
Ep.
274
Sudden Ominous Music Heard Across U.S., Nation Panicking
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Episode
Ep.
275
Is Using A Minotaur To Gore Detainees A Form Of Torture?
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Episode
Ep.
276
Facebook, Twitter Revolutionizing How Parents Stalk Their College-Aged Kids
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Episode
Ep.
277
NFL Players Mentor Troubled Detroit Lions
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Episode
Ep.
278
Americans Observing 911 By Trying Not To Masturbate
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Episode
Ep.
279
U.S. Condemned For Pre-Emptive Use Of Hillary Clinton Against Pakistan
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Episode
Ep.
280
Report: Growing Ranks Of Nouveau Poor Facing Discrimination From Old Poor
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Episode
Ep.
281
BREAKING NEWS: BAT LOOSE IN CONGRESS
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Episode
Ep.
282
Little Boy Heroically Shoots, Mutilates Burglar
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Episode
Ep.
283
Crime Reporter Finds Way Of Linking Warehouse Fire To Depraved Sex Act
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Episode
Ep.
284
Are The Obamas Out Of Touch With The Average Miserable American Family?
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Episode
Ep.
285
New Anti-Smoking Ads Warn Teens 'It's Gay To Smoke'
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Episode
Ep.
286
Obama To Enter Diplomatic Talks With Raging Wildfire
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Episode
Ep.
287
Stalker Financial Expert Offers Recession Tips Just For Woman He Follows
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Episode
Ep.
288
Bad Boy Fencing Star Implicated In Yet Another Daring Jewel Heist
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Episode
Ep.
289
Gaffe-Prone Biden Embarrasses Nation Yet Again By Sneezing During Meeting
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Episode
Ep.
290
How To Find A Masculine Halloween Costume For Your Effeminate Son
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Episode
Ep.
291
Fatal Staples Center Collapse Brings Merciful Early End To Clippers Game
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Episode
Ep.
292
Victim In Fatal Car Accident Tragically Not Glenn Beck
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Episode
Ep.
293
Ford Unveils New Car For Cash-Strapped Buyers: The 1993 Taurus
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Episode
Ep.
294
Ultra-Realistic Modern Warfare Game Features Awaiting Orders, Repairing Trucks
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Episode
Ep.
295
Obama's Home Teleprompter Malfunctions During Family Dinner
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Episode
Ep.
296
Boy Finds Own Real-Life E.T.
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Episode
Ep.
297
Zombie Reagan Raised From Grave To Lead GOP
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Episode
Ep.
298
Report: Most College Males Admit To Regularly Getting Stoked
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Episode
Ep.
299
DEA Recruits Lil Wayne To Use Up All Drugs In Mexico
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Episode
Ep.
300
Adults Go Wild Over Latest In Children's Picture Book Series
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Episode
Ep.
301
Internet Archaeologists Find Ruins Of 'Friendster' Civilization
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Episode
Ep.
302
Overcome Stress By Visualizing It As A Greedy, Hook-Nosed Race Of Creatures
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Episode
Ep.
303
Prague's Franz Kafka International Named World's Most Alienating Airport
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Unknown
Episode
Ep.
304
Ambassador Stages Coup At UN, Issues Long List of Non-Binding Resolutions
Unknown
Unknown
Episode
Ep.
305
China Celebrates Its Status As World’s Number One Air Polluter
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Season 2008
Season 2010
Season 2009 of
The Onion News Network
contains 96 episodes. All episodes of this season will be released on Unknown. There are 96 episodes left.
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